I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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