jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
