wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
