Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
