"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
