nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
