Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you win again, gameday.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
