If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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