the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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