I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
