Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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