His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
