Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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