I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
