We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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