you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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