What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
