My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
