votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
