I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
