It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
bring money and cleavage
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
