3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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