I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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