just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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