actually, I'm a sock model
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
