She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
