i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
