Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
