he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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