Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
