I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
