Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
