This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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