So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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