Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
