so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
