Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We got so high we made milksteak
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
