can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
