Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
