dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
