he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
