Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
