so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
