so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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