he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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