New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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