How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
