you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
