I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
