omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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