Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
