first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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