this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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